I have been struggling for the last 2 years with grief, physical pain and loss..As many of you know, it is very difficult for a human being to get over these kind of emotions and move on in life.
I think i spent the first year and the half in bed crying more than actually living, and dragging the only person next to me(my husband) into despair, because he couldnt find a way to help me..the only times i felt better was when i spent time with my kids( looking back, i realize that instinctively mothers project strength to their children so they always feel safe).
Days dragged into months,where i couldnt face living, i was becoming a living dead person, nothing excited me, or moved me, or motivated me (but i kept eating and eating..). I got to the point where i was scared of taking a shower if i was home alone. I just froze and sat in one place for hours, tears running down my cheeks, not feeling anything..
People tell me that after so much trauma i needed to see a specialist to help me get over this stage and begin taking steps towards a happier and healthier life( it was all blablabla to me), no one can forget so much pain, “soul pain” gets into your veins and plants seeds and grows and grows till you cant breathe anymore..(it actually happened to me on several occasions). My husband and i spent hours at the emergency room, waiting for my turn to know what was wrong. The poor guy didnt know what to do, i was getting swollen lips, panic attacks, allergic reactions…
One thing i knew, i never wanted to take pills, i preferred to stay this way than being at the mercy of pills and loosing control over my emotions.I kept reading self help books, agreeing with every word i read, but once i put what ever book i was reading down, everything just flew out the window!
I live away from my family, so my only support was my husband, and honestly if it wasnt for him and his love, i would have become an alcoholic or a drug addict, to keep the pain away and live in lala land..But thanks to my guardian angels i had him next to me at my weakest point and he helped me realize that i was the only person who could help myself; no one can enter your mind, press a button and reboot your brain unless you are ready for it. And to be ready you have to find your inner peace and accept what higher powers have thrown in your path..
My first step was seeing a spiritual healer, and this person helped me in a way that no one else could; the only thing she did was lead me in the right direction towards inner peace.. (my first session was hilarious; i had tears streaming down from so much emotions after i told her my story, so she began her”chasing my bad karma by purifying the body”, i didnt know anymore if i was crying or laughing! it was like, what the hell am i doing here!! is this joke??). And you know what? she did chase a big chunk of it.
My second step came to me by email of all things! I received one day an email discussing the benefits of having a mantra, your own personal mantra that would always take you back to the centre of your soul, where everything is at peace.
I have been repeating my mantra for the last 4 months, and it helped reach the stage where i am now, which is on the road back to living…