Who am i kidding??
I began this blog as a way out of all the problems i have in my life. I thought being inspired, talking about beautiful things, sharing new ideas and some of my life, will lessen the sadness,at least a bit, of the most agonizing problem i have; not living with my children…I thought moving back here, being closer to the kids, same time zone, seeing them once a week, would make it easier for all of us…I thought we would have the summer vacation together, spend more time together, i need it as much as they do. But no, he (my ex) has a new rule: my husband has to be outside the country for him to let my kids sleep over! It’s not enough that he isn’t allowed to be present when they come over, he has to be in another country for them to spend the summer with me!!! Can you believe it??? I’m still reeling from this, i can’t focus on anything but this, i walk around the house in a state of disbelief and anger, not knowing what to do! The kids are so tired of being refused without a reason that they just get more depressed and blame me for:
A: not sending my husband away for the summer (imagine that!)
B: getting married again,
C: mostly for all their problems!
Well, i have had enough of all this, they are old enough to speak up and tell their dad what they want to do, i am tired of being blamed for every single thing that happens in their life, i live with it daily, from the moment i wake up to the moment i close my eyes..I’m upset at the system that doesn’t provide mothers with rights, i’m upset at this country and its laws…But kids are kids at the end, they will vent their frustration and anger to the closest person, which is me, kids hurt their parents all the time, i understand that, i understand what they are going through because i am going through the same, and it’s difficult to make them understand how hard it is for a mother to live without her children, i guess it’s easier for them to believe that i left them to get married, not because the laws of the country decides that the father gets custody! In their little minds they would have prefered i stay unmarried so that they could see me more often, isn’t that ironic!
As i said before, writing is my way of venting, you could comment or not, this is my therapy. I just wish i could find a solution…